NYTimes – In the latest crime spree to rock the great country of Canada, thieves made out with $18,000,000 in maple syrup. First off, who the hell would ever think “let’s setup a heist and steal maple syrup”? How the fuck someone can even get rid of maple syrup on the black market I have no clue. Is it that in demand? Are IHOP’s in Canada dealing cash in the back in exchange for a discounted barrell? These are all things that most normal people, or anyone that isn’t Canadian would think. After some thought though, I can see why these guys are genius. They are so genius had to step in because so much syrup was taken. So these thieves went where no one else would, they took a commodity that no one gives a fuck about and said lets get truck loads of it, so much that even the “Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers” had to intervene.
But how does this look when you end up behind bars, the guy with 6 murders is bunking with you, and you mention that you’re in for stealing maple syrup? I’m sure in Canada that shit is equivalent to being muscle for Al Capone though.