Last Minute Shopping is For Champs, So Here Are 5 Fail Proof Gifts For The Females In Your Life

procrastinateLike every other champ out there, I waited until the last minute to pick up gifts, and now I am contemplating what to get wifey. But, buying gifts without a wishlist is absolutely a waste of time and money. Never has there been a more annoying task than worrying about buying for someone and hoping they will like the gift. My wife always throws shit out there, little hints here and there, and typically will give me a list, but this year she’s fucking with me by making me go at it blind. I am assuming its the whole “we’re married now, you should know” tactic, but I am not falling for it. So I decided to put together a little list. This is for all the other guys out there that are wondering what the hell you should be heading out to buy 2 hours before the Mall closes. Shitty or not here’s my fail proof list for 4PM shopping before the mall closes at 6.

Never Fail List for 2012:

  1. Victoria Secret/Fredericks – Without a doubt, hands down, top on my list. For obvious reasons this wins. This has to be the first option when you are going to buy the last minute gift. Don’t expect to get out of here cheap, but in the end this gift always gives back. AND DON’T BE STUPID Douches, you can’t go in and buy just skimpy little g strings here, you need to be strategic with your purchase. My suggestions are to make sure for every tight ass skimpy piece of lingerie set that you have a shirt, or dress to go over it or match it. Most of these places sell regular clothing, maybe its PJs, maybe its a shirt, but don’t be stupid and just buy a thong. She’ll catch on right away that the gift was more for you than her. Also make sure you do get a complete set… nothing better than seeing that complete package put together on Christmas night. Fredericks
  2. Hand Bag’s - This one seems difficult, but it truly isn’t when you take the outlook that everything can be returned. Now I know you’re thinking that doesn’t make sense, because anything can be returned, but stop that thought process right now douche. With a bag, she’s thinking that you put deep thought into it because she usually does before buying one. What really happened was you went in and got overwhelmed because they all look the fucking same and just chose one that the hot mini skirt wearing female told you to go with. In the end she’s going to think you thought about this for a long period of time, but you’re usually in and out in 20 minutes if you don’t get caught up staring at the talent in the store. (Seems like Michael Kor’s wins this year… Coach will get you nasty looks.)Michael_Kors_Handbags_303
  3. Tablet (iPad Mini/Kindle) - No way should you be looking to spend big money, unless you have Arian Foster money, so you want to stick with the iPad Mini or the Kindle. Both of these are fairly inexpensive and will keep your girl thinking you put some thought into it, and made the top 5 because of the ease. This one ranks #2 because of the appeal for us, hopefully she doesn’t see right through the real intentions here.ipad-mini-vs-kindle-fire-hd-7
  4. Jewelry (Generic but a definite Fail Proof item) - Every woman wants to show off to their friends after getting a bright piece of jewelry. The only challenge to this one is actually listening to them prior to picking up a piece of jewelry  I’ve found that no matter how much I have talked about watches, the boss lady wants nothing to do with them. Make sure you aren’t buying something similar to the previous year either. Usually this is a Fail proof plan because no matter what girls love bright shiny stuff on or around them.bikini-jewelry-swimsuit-str_01
  5. Local Spa Package – Every female loves to go get pampered. The important part here is to make sure that it’s not to some shitty spa place that you got off Groupon. Make sure this is one that her friends go to get facials and nails done. Usually talking quickly to a buddy’s gf/wife will reveal the popular place, because that’s all they love to talk about is going to relax and wax up.Spa_Masthead