Category Archives: Nonsense

Dogfish or no fish, am I the only one?!?

Beer experts… That’s not me. Beer aficionado, that’s people I know. But a beer drinker that’s me. Go to the bar and willing to drink a new brew, just because I haven’t had it before, fuck it, that’s me.

Honestly out of all the breweries and bullshit I have tried thoughtout the years, there’s only been one that came through in the clutch. The one brewery that hasn’t disappointed is the big D. Not that big douchebag Ryan, but the big D. That Big Dogfish all up in your throat, just sliding down your esophagus, touching your tongue, insert gay analogy, is just what I’m about. Day in day out, Dogfish is what delivernothing swallows.

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What happens at a Mexican surprise birthday stays there… Don’t drink tequila. Ever.

Never, ever, let someone feed you shots. The outcome is never positive. You become belligerent while every one else thinks you’re a douche for drinking too much. Lesson learned? Nope. I will continue to drink, no need to stop drinking, they’re all idiots for not keeping up. This whole entry makes no sense. I just contradicted the whole point. Who cares? F off. Go drink as much as me and try to puncturing properly like I did. You can’t. You’re weak. Bottom line, Kim K has ruined her body, but pre preggo Kim can’t do wrong.

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Zach Greinke is a Real Person

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Zach Greinke, my hat goes off to you. He is just like every single working American when it comes to your job. In a radio interview with CBS Sports, Greinke admitted that he didn’t care about what team has a chance to win, he was going to sign with the team that gave him the most money. Greinke said “I could play for the worst team if they paid me the most. “If the last-place team offers $200 million and the first-place team offers $10, I’m going to go for the $200 million no matter what team it was.” Greinke signed a 6 year, 147  million dollar deal with the Dodgers in the off season, as they outbid the Rangers who all but announced they signed him in December.

GOOD FOR GREINKE!! Even though he looks like Jesse from Breaking Bad, he finally made me see that athletes are real people as well! As an average person in the workplace, you’re damn right if another company offered me more money to go work for them, I would go! What sane person wouldn’t? Hats off to you Zach, and get paid son!

Free DeliverNothing.com iPhone Case

tumblr_m6u6poAZPB1rnfcuro1_500Hold your excitement! We hit 100+ Facebook likes, and as promised were going to give away a free case. Currently we only have iPhone 4 or 5 cases, but for those of you interested, because we all know how much you really want one, please visit our Facebook page and like this post. We’re expecting zero responses from this, because like most of our fans, we are douchbags and probably wouldn’t give a shit about a website case.

Michigan Lady Gives Birth To Baby That She Thought Was a Hernia

ld_linda_ackley_mi_130215_wblogABCNewsA woman who said she didn’t know she was pregnant arrived at the hospital and delivered a 10-pound baby girl hours later, a Michigan newspaper reported.
Linda Ackley, 44, said she thought she had a hernia. She’d been told she couldn’t bear children.
“She is our miracle baby,” the stunned new mother, who gave birth on Feb. 8 by emergency C-section, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot. The couple named the little girl Kimberly Kay.
Her husband, Mike, got the news over the telephone.
“Some people have nine months to prepare. I had [15] hours,” he said. “I wish someone would have taken a picture of my face.”

Wait, don’t babies kick while they’re in your stomach and weird shit happening like morning sickness, hormone changes, no more periods… all shit I have heard happening leading to signs that your pregnant. The wife looks stupid as shit, and God bless that kid, let’s not imagine the husband. Guy doesn’t realize that his wife, who just shot out a 10 pound living “hernia”, is pregnant? You just okay with a huge lump in your wife’s stomach bro, not going to question how or why that shit is moving? Get the fuck outta here with that shit.

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NYC Optometrist Offering Free Drinks To Patients Prior To Exams

10.1N021.pie-eyedoc1--300x350NYPostA Park Slope eye doctor is offering booze to customers to help them unwind before exams — but not every client is impressed by the nutty hops-tometry.

“I was offered a beer on my first visit,” griped one patient, Mark T., on Yelp. “Seriously, alcohol before an eye exam? And in a medical environment?”

But Dr. Justin Bazan says that after 5 p.m., it’s happy hour.

“Don’t worry. None of the team is drinking! We are not a sterile [hospital],” Bazan wrote in his defense. “We are friendly, helpful and like to have fun! We have beer/wine tastings all the time.

Patients are offered tea, snacks and craft brews on arrival. Most finish their libations in the lobby, but Bazan allows unfinished ales in the exam room, too.

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How Much Was Mirza Teletovic Paid to Air Ball 3 Times In 1 Minute?

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Leave it to a Bosnian guy to make the NBA’s money exchange policy obvious as shit. We all know that mobsters can’t help themselves to the refs, but now it’s becoming too obvious. This doesn’t happen daily. It’s not possible to go back to back and throw 3 air balls in a row bro. The players didn’t even know how to react, they didn’t think the ball would be that far off. Terrible acting on Teletovic’s part, definitely the last time the Gambino family is using him.

 

Female Fitness Models; Can Having Too Much Muscle Equate to Being Unattractive?

photo-5I am always arguing with my uncle about Fitness Models. They (I’m talking about bicep welding women who can flex and pop your head off, not just girls into fitness) are in a category of women that I can’t decide whether we’re looking at ridiculously chiseled asses, or just bitches with more muscle than Mike. I get pictures of women pictured to the left all the time from my uncle who probably would give his left leg for a chance with these models. But they have this look, that while it intrigues me to take a look, I don’t know how I feel about the whole “no jiggle” effect. Not that I want flabby mush, but I do like to see something jiggle a little in dresses, or yoga pants. Having the biceps that can crush my head too, just kinda makes me lose the normal feeling I get about women having that soft, cute, caring feel and makes me want to be on the look out for a jab to the face.

Although Fitness Models are definitely on a better level than bodybuilding female freaks, and for the most part are gorgeous, but I just think that they are on the verge of seeping into the bodybuilding category. Some of these girls have the most amazing bodies ever, and while every female/male should be hitting the gym, certain aspects of working out should be MALE only. So… are Fitness Models really good-looking, or is it just another funny meme background because they are more jacked than I could ever dream of being?

FITNESS GALLERY AFTER THE BREAK

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Home Depot Gift Cards For All Immigrants Arrested? This Sounds Way Too Easy.

Mexican20Day20LaborersNYDailyNews – This can’t be true. A job can’t get any easier than this. Talk about supplying the answer to the question, the bosses were pretty much handing the teachers booklet with this one. The Border Patrol Agency has that bail out money burning a hole in their pocket.

The DailyNews is reporting that New York Border Patrol Agents were being rewarded with $100 Home Depot gift cards for arresting immigrants. You know, because that isn’t already part of their job, go ahead and incentive vise them for doing it with gift cards to the immigrants career office. In addition to the Home Depot rewards, some agents were getting as much as $2,500 in bonuses, extra days off and vacations. Think about this again, arrest an immigrant, receive a gift card to HOME DEPOT. No better way to slap some illegal Mexicans in the face, than hit Border Patrol up with gift cards to the universal hangout of every Mexican Laborer in the U.S. This has to be a joke, someone at the top was high with his friends and thought it would be really ironic. What a way to be a dick, I want to start seeing some Taco Bell gift card hand outs next to every Narcotics officer who arrests a pothead. 

Women Are In Uproar Over Ex-Boyfriends Posting Naked Pics Online and Rating Them

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Upset because they don’t have nude pics of ex bf’s to share and rate

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Marianna Taschinger’s boyfriend wanted naked photos of her. She had only been dating the guy for a few months, so she didn’t feel comfortable sending him nude pictures of herself. But after days of coaxing, she grudgingly did what he asked.
Several weeks later, Taschinger found out that those private pictures had been posted online on Texxxan.com, along with her first name, last initial and details about where she lived. The online user, whom Taschinger believes is her now former boyfriend, called her one of his “exploits.”
“He called me a slut and promised to post more of me,” Taschinger told the Beaumont Enterprise. “He said he’d post more pictures if people ‘liked’ what he’d posted so far.”
Taschinger is one of more than two dozen women who plan on filing a class-action lawsuit against the website Texxxan.com, its host, GoDaddy.com, and individual users who post content on the site. They allege that the site is “significantly designed to cause severe embarrassment, humiliation, and emotional distress,” according to a petition filed in the district court of Orange County, Tex.

As if we haven’t heard enough sob stories about this. Guys are competitive… we’re going to compare everything, especially our former accomplishments… “mine is better than yours” when it comes to anything. Did no one learn from Kim’s videos or Paris or Screech’s sex tapes? Utilize this to get on top, make some money and retire. Instead these girls are suing a website, and won’t make a dime. You take a video or picture of yourself, it’s GOING to end up online. If you don’t like it don’t let him take out a phone. Otherwise it’s just understood, you’re free market material once your on the open market.

BTW Credit well deserved to the owners of texxxan.com… amazing idea. 

Philadelphia Streaker Goes Balls Deep On Public Bus Then Chases On-Lookers

naked27n-4-webNYDailyNews – City of brotherly or what bro? Straight balls swinging every where all over everything over there. Some unidentified old guy just went balls deep on a windshield SEPTA Bus. After jumping on the empty bike rack of the public bus, he decided that he might as well put his boxers on his head. Of course people took out their phones to record this old wrinkly ballsack, but we guess he doesn’t like it so he starts chasing them around, meat just swinging every where. He was eventually arrested after attempting to put his boxers back on. 

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Once again, no shocker that we have naked old men trying to jam balls down everyone’s mouth in Philly. Just another average day. (Check out the Video After The Break)

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Miss Bumbum 2012, Carine Felizardo, Showing Off Her Booty In Times Square

bumbum25n-3-webNYDailyNews – Incase you were locked in a shelter for torching your wife or just love men and didn’t care, Carine Felizardo was crowned “Miss Bumbum 2012″. This 25-year-old was recently spotted in Midtown Manhattan showing off that amazing ass. Last month South America, which produces the best round and brown booties in the world, held a “Miss Bumbum” contest. With only high quality bums showing up, and asses galore all around the stage, this was definitely a competition for us.

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We’ve already booked “Miss Bumbum” 2013. We’re dedicated to producing top-notch ass news, and what a better way to do it than risking our lives in South America to bring you the best ass in the world. Carine Felizardo and Miss Bumbum 2012 pics after the break!

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Celtic’s Fans Are Relentless Pieces of Sh*t, And We Respect It.

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Security at the TG Garden start noticing fans walking around with Cheerios boxes pasted to signs and had to confiscate them. 

NYDailyNews - Here we have a classic case of the right things being done to the wrong people. Celtic fans trying to take shots at Melo. Typical move, kick a guy while he’s down. Not saying that I wouldn’t do the same exact thing, because I would, and I absolutely respect the attempt at smashing the shit out of a guys emotions while he’s down…when you leave it up to a bunch of amateurs to sneak that shit in though of course they get caught. You have to bring the signs in through the jacket or in a bag or some big purse that wifey is carrying. Another proof point that people in Boston, specifically any sports fan in that area, are just that much dumber than your average New Yorker. Leave it up to Boston fans to ruin asshole move like this.

Lady Caught Smuggling Cocaine Into The US In Her “Coochie”

samanthakurdilla1TSG – Samantha Kurdilla (pictured to the left) shows us there’s no better way to use the beautiful parts God gave you, then to stuff them with 100 grams of cocaine.  This 22-year-old woman who lives in a town near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was in denial when the dogs first smelled the drugs on her. She visiting Tijuana, Mexico with her guy friend James Perry, and was smoking marijuana, when he allegedly convinces her to shove his coke up her vagina.

Later on after a full body search, the 100 grams of cocaina was found shoved deep inside her wrapped in a condom. To make matters worse, the pro drug trafficker that Kurdilla was, provided ample amounts of evidence for her conviction when the police found a text on her phone that said “..I’m Smuggling Cocaine & Heroin in My Coochie..”. Innocent girl trying to just have fun and utilize what God gave her. What guy on the face of the earth doesn’t think about the capabilities of the vagina daily, if she lets you do it you do it… don’t you? (NSFW - Head Shove In Vagina Link)

Wale And Seinfeld Are Making An Album Together… #Nothing

seinfeld-wale-SLNYPost – Wale and Seinfeld, this is going to be bigger than Jay and R.Kelly. No one saw this coming, the game is about to change. Seinfeld made a show about nothing, it went on to be the biggest show ever, and Wale just convinced him to help him make a third mixtape about nothing with him.

No chance in hell did Wale ever think when he made his mixtape titled “The Mixtape About Nothing” that Jerry Seinfeld would ever be featured in any tracks. 5 Years later, and boom, Seinfeld is talking on video about how his wife is obsessed with Wale and some how the 3 (Seinfeld, Seinfeld’s Wife and Wale) are all in a threesome. WTF is going on here, not only is Jerry Seinfeld suddenly talking like he’s black in the video, but he’s admitting that his wife wants to take on Wale’s BBC. Just another day in the life of Jerry.

 

Next time you’re trying to make some $$$ on eBay, post a Naked Pic of yourself.

Naked-eBay-sellerMSTARZ- 21 year-old Aimi Jones “accidentally” posted a picture of herself with no panties on on one of her eBay auctions, she took the picture down seconds later but not before some sleeze ball with a quick mouse click was able to copy the picture. The picture hows now gone viral, Aimi should take advantage of it, I know we at the Delivernothing.com are looking for a BIG BREAK like this to have our Website to go viral.Naked-eBay-seller yelloe-jpg