Author Archives: Brandon

How Much Was Mirza Teletovic Paid to Air Ball 3 Times In 1 Minute?

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Leave it to a Bosnian guy to make the NBA’s money exchange policy obvious as shit. We all know that mobsters can’t help themselves to the refs, but now it’s becoming too obvious. This doesn’t happen daily. It’s not possible to go back to back and throw 3 air balls in a row bro. The players didn’t even know how to react, they didn’t think the ball would be that far off. Terrible acting on Teletovic’s part, definitely the last time the Gambino family is using him.

 

No big deal, an asteroid is about to barely miss Earth

dave chappelle asteroidCNN – While most are worried about a winter storm bringing little snowflakes of a foot or more, the news networks forgot to mention how the entire globe could be destroyed in a week. According to NASA scientists have discovered an asteroid that is scheduled to arrive close to the Earth’s atmosphere on February 15th. The large rock about 45 meters long or in man terms about a half a football field big,  isn’t worrying scientists. The brains in NASA say that this large rock is only going to be flying by us and will remain about 17,000 miles from our surface. While we don’t have too much to be concerned about, it’s still fucking crazy that this huge rock traveling at 8x the speed of a bullet is going to be crossing paths with us.

Arizona woman gets crazy, kills her sex buddy 3 times over… for making her feel like a prostitute

481225_411343778941770_1016123192_nReuters – (Reuters) – An Arizona woman charged with stabbing and shooting her lover to death – and whose graphic testimony has gripped viewers across the United States – described in court a relationship based around sex that left her feeling “like a prostitute.”
Lawyers for Jodi Arias, who could face the death penalty if convicted, argue she acted in self-defense when she killed her lover. He was found in the shower of his Phoenix valley home, shot in the face, stabbed 27 times and with his throat slit.
“I just felt … a little bit, I hate to put it this way, but I felt a little bit used,” Arias, a petite, bespectacled woman with long brown hair, told the court on Wednesday in a calm, measured tone, describing a relationship she said was based around sex.

“He gets a hotel room, I show up, we hang out, we have sex … He’s not really mentally present. I’m getting a lot of attention, but only while we’re engaging in sexual activity, and then we check out and he takes off. I kind of felt like a prostitute, sort of,” Arias told the court.

This older story has a new sick blame game twist. Let’s just picture this crazy ass woman just sitting in her car, windows up, in front of her man friends house, crying daily to Beyoncé saying “put a ring on”. Poor guy Travis Alexander thought he was set, he has a side piece that he can pipe out any time, she is down with hotel dates, she’s upset about him not calling her a girlfriend, but still allows him to lay the pipe… then boom! You’re being stabbed 27 times, and most likely dead, but then your throat is cut, at this point your 99% dead, then just to ensure you don’t get up she puts a bullet in your head. That’s how Travis’ life ended. Incredibly she is trying to claim self-defense and playing the blame game on the fact that she was giving it up all day every day.

 

Female Fitness Models; Can Having Too Much Muscle Equate to Being Unattractive?

photo-5I am always arguing with my uncle about Fitness Models. They (I’m talking about bicep welding women who can flex and pop your head off, not just girls into fitness) are in a category of women that I can’t decide whether we’re looking at ridiculously chiseled asses, or just bitches with more muscle than Mike. I get pictures of women pictured to the left all the time from my uncle who probably would give his left leg for a chance with these models. But they have this look, that while it intrigues me to take a look, I don’t know how I feel about the whole “no jiggle” effect. Not that I want flabby mush, but I do like to see something jiggle a little in dresses, or yoga pants. Having the biceps that can crush my head too, just kinda makes me lose the normal feeling I get about women having that soft, cute, caring feel and makes me want to be on the look out for a jab to the face.

Although Fitness Models are definitely on a better level than bodybuilding female freaks, and for the most part are gorgeous, but I just think that they are on the verge of seeping into the bodybuilding category. Some of these girls have the most amazing bodies ever, and while every female/male should be hitting the gym, certain aspects of working out should be MALE only. So… are Fitness Models really good-looking, or is it just another funny meme background because they are more jacked than I could ever dream of being?

FITNESS GALLERY AFTER THE BREAK

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Eva Longoria Looks Good Even Wearing Loose Fitting Obama Sweatpants

eva-longoria-los-angelesEva Longoria is just seeps ridiculously hot out of every pore. She just has that look that pretty much can cause a semi to happen at the drop of a dime, it’s happened to us all, so don’t even deny it. Typically the pictures of her are top-notch, and even with her wearing normal looking clothes not all dressed up she looks like she is made of sex. But with this recent picture of her in the Obama sweatpants, and obvious look of not having taken a shower after the pipe was layed in last night, I can’t decide if she looks Eva status, but either way she’s producing semis guaranteed.

Home Depot Gift Cards For All Immigrants Arrested? This Sounds Way Too Easy.

Mexican20Day20LaborersNYDailyNews – This can’t be true. A job can’t get any easier than this. Talk about supplying the answer to the question, the bosses were pretty much handing the teachers booklet with this one. The Border Patrol Agency has that bail out money burning a hole in their pocket.

The DailyNews is reporting that New York Border Patrol Agents were being rewarded with $100 Home Depot gift cards for arresting immigrants. You know, because that isn’t already part of their job, go ahead and incentive vise them for doing it with gift cards to the immigrants career office. In addition to the Home Depot rewards, some agents were getting as much as $2,500 in bonuses, extra days off and vacations. Think about this again, arrest an immigrant, receive a gift card to HOME DEPOT. No better way to slap some illegal Mexicans in the face, than hit Border Patrol up with gift cards to the universal hangout of every Mexican Laborer in the U.S. This has to be a joke, someone at the top was high with his friends and thought it would be really ironic. What a way to be a dick, I want to start seeing some Taco Bell gift card hand outs next to every Narcotics officer who arrests a pothead. 

Study: Married Men Are Idiots For Doing Housework And Rewarded With Less Sex

Father-does-housework-whi-006NYDailyNews - In what could be quite possibly the best article to assist with arguments that men shouldn’t be performing female chores, a new study by the American Sociological Review states men who take on traditionally female tasks such as cooking and cleaning will be rewarded with less sex and even less respect from everyone. Okay maybe the study didn’t state the second part, but it’s also true. Before we jump to conclusions about how this must have been written by men, it was actually co-authored by two females, so it is in no way biased.

The study looked at a variety of men and women in both traditional and non traditional marriages. The men and women that were in study that had a traditional marriage, i.e. women doing what they’re supposed to and cleaning up our messes, doing our laundry and cooking our food, were having more sex than the marriages where men did more than mow the lawn.

Interesting article, and although I appreciate the release of such valuable information, but I ask myself “how did I end up in a marriage where I am cooking, cleaning and doing laundry myself?” And where the f*ck was this information years ago. I thought I was just being a good husband, but this whole time I am hurting myself by trying to help out the wife, and she’s laughing in her heard to herself, it’s a lose/lose for men and win/win for women. If I attempt to squash doing these chores now, I am positive that the result will not mean more sex.

Women Are In Uproar Over Ex-Boyfriends Posting Naked Pics Online and Rating Them

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Upset because they don’t have nude pics of ex bf’s to share and rate

NYDailyNews -
Marianna Taschinger’s boyfriend wanted naked photos of her. She had only been dating the guy for a few months, so she didn’t feel comfortable sending him nude pictures of herself. But after days of coaxing, she grudgingly did what he asked.
Several weeks later, Taschinger found out that those private pictures had been posted online on Texxxan.com, along with her first name, last initial and details about where she lived. The online user, whom Taschinger believes is her now former boyfriend, called her one of his “exploits.”
“He called me a slut and promised to post more of me,” Taschinger told the Beaumont Enterprise. “He said he’d post more pictures if people ‘liked’ what he’d posted so far.”
Taschinger is one of more than two dozen women who plan on filing a class-action lawsuit against the website Texxxan.com, its host, GoDaddy.com, and individual users who post content on the site. They allege that the site is “significantly designed to cause severe embarrassment, humiliation, and emotional distress,” according to a petition filed in the district court of Orange County, Tex.

As if we haven’t heard enough sob stories about this. Guys are competitive… we’re going to compare everything, especially our former accomplishments… “mine is better than yours” when it comes to anything. Did no one learn from Kim’s videos or Paris or Screech’s sex tapes? Utilize this to get on top, make some money and retire. Instead these girls are suing a website, and won’t make a dime. You take a video or picture of yourself, it’s GOING to end up online. If you don’t like it don’t let him take out a phone. Otherwise it’s just understood, you’re free market material once your on the open market.

BTW Credit well deserved to the owners of texxxan.com… amazing idea. 

Philadelphia Streaker Goes Balls Deep On Public Bus Then Chases On-Lookers

naked27n-4-webNYDailyNews – City of brotherly or what bro? Straight balls swinging every where all over everything over there. Some unidentified old guy just went balls deep on a windshield SEPTA Bus. After jumping on the empty bike rack of the public bus, he decided that he might as well put his boxers on his head. Of course people took out their phones to record this old wrinkly ballsack, but we guess he doesn’t like it so he starts chasing them around, meat just swinging every where. He was eventually arrested after attempting to put his boxers back on. 

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Once again, no shocker that we have naked old men trying to jam balls down everyone’s mouth in Philly. Just another average day. (Check out the Video After The Break)

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Miss Bumbum 2012, Carine Felizardo, Showing Off Her Booty In Times Square

bumbum25n-3-webNYDailyNews – Incase you were locked in a shelter for torching your wife or just love men and didn’t care, Carine Felizardo was crowned “Miss Bumbum 2012″. This 25-year-old was recently spotted in Midtown Manhattan showing off that amazing ass. Last month South America, which produces the best round and brown booties in the world, held a “Miss Bumbum” contest. With only high quality bums showing up, and asses galore all around the stage, this was definitely a competition for us.

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We’ve already booked “Miss Bumbum” 2013. We’re dedicated to producing top-notch ass news, and what a better way to do it than risking our lives in South America to bring you the best ass in the world. Carine Felizardo and Miss Bumbum 2012 pics after the break!

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Guy Torches His Estranged Wife For Sending Nude Pics To Other Men

torch26n-2-webNYDailyNews – First we hear about some crazy asshole biting off a girls thumb, now there’s a story about a former mechanic blow torching his estranged wife in a jealousy rage. Carlos Diaz, 35, decided that blow torching his wife Cathy Zapata, 38, would really teach her a lesson. Carlos claims that he had to teach his wife a lesson for sending nude pictures of her surgically renewed body to other men. Apparently Cathy, who just had got a new pair of breast and some liposuction, wanted to show off the investment by sending it on to the new man piping it out.

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The couple had been separated for over 2 years, but Carlos was still obsessed with his baby momma and said that he couldn’t live without her. He continued to plot to get her back and wanted to make sure that he gave her “a little pain”. The torching caused Zapata to suffer burns on her hands, face and neck.

I can understand biting a thumb off here and there, who hasn’t contemplated that, but planning to torch your baby mama… that’s just insane. You see this all too often, a guy loses his only chance at vagina and goes crazy. This story made me realize that, as unfortunate as it might be, I am pretty sure that I am in that same boat. No chance in hell am I finding another hole as beautiful as wifey’s, but even I am not as crazy to get a blow torch to start swinging around flames.

Celtic’s Fans Are Relentless Pieces of Sh*t, And We Respect It.

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Security at the TG Garden start noticing fans walking around with Cheerios boxes pasted to signs and had to confiscate them. 

NYDailyNews - Here we have a classic case of the right things being done to the wrong people. Celtic fans trying to take shots at Melo. Typical move, kick a guy while he’s down. Not saying that I wouldn’t do the same exact thing, because I would, and I absolutely respect the attempt at smashing the shit out of a guys emotions while he’s down…when you leave it up to a bunch of amateurs to sneak that shit in though of course they get caught. You have to bring the signs in through the jacket or in a bag or some big purse that wifey is carrying. Another proof point that people in Boston, specifically any sports fan in that area, are just that much dumber than your average New Yorker. Leave it up to Boston fans to ruin asshole move like this.

Lady Caught Smuggling Cocaine Into The US In Her “Coochie”

samanthakurdilla1TSG – Samantha Kurdilla (pictured to the left) shows us there’s no better way to use the beautiful parts God gave you, then to stuff them with 100 grams of cocaine.  This 22-year-old woman who lives in a town near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was in denial when the dogs first smelled the drugs on her. She visiting Tijuana, Mexico with her guy friend James Perry, and was smoking marijuana, when he allegedly convinces her to shove his coke up her vagina.

Later on after a full body search, the 100 grams of cocaina was found shoved deep inside her wrapped in a condom. To make matters worse, the pro drug trafficker that Kurdilla was, provided ample amounts of evidence for her conviction when the police found a text on her phone that said “..I’m Smuggling Cocaine & Heroin in My Coochie..”. Innocent girl trying to just have fun and utilize what God gave her. What guy on the face of the earth doesn’t think about the capabilities of the vagina daily, if she lets you do it you do it… don’t you? (NSFW - Head Shove In Vagina Link)

J.R. Smith Just Can’t Be Held Down, Shat All Over Kris Humphries On Twitter

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And J.R. Smith can’t be stopped abusing Kris Humphries about Kanye announcing baby mama in the Garden. He doesn’t care about any of these kids in the streets. First he just demolishes Budden’s ex, then he decides that he’ll just repeatedly win games with last-minute jump shots, then he just shat all over Kris Humphries with this latest tweet.

Wale And Seinfeld Are Making An Album Together… #Nothing

seinfeld-wale-SLNYPost – Wale and Seinfeld, this is going to be bigger than Jay and R.Kelly. No one saw this coming, the game is about to change. Seinfeld made a show about nothing, it went on to be the biggest show ever, and Wale just convinced him to help him make a third mixtape about nothing with him.

No chance in hell did Wale ever think when he made his mixtape titled “The Mixtape About Nothing” that Jerry Seinfeld would ever be featured in any tracks. 5 Years later, and boom, Seinfeld is talking on video about how his wife is obsessed with Wale and some how the 3 (Seinfeld, Seinfeld’s Wife and Wale) are all in a threesome. WTF is going on here, not only is Jerry Seinfeld suddenly talking like he’s black in the video, but he’s admitting that his wife wants to take on Wale’s BBC. Just another day in the life of Jerry.

 

Some Guy In Florida Bites His Girls Thumb Off, And Spits It On The Floor In Front of Her

article-finger-0118NYDailyNews – And this is what every guy dreams of doing, but doesn’t want to get arrested for doing. Asshole to the right, was arguing with his female companion when he decided he had had enough, and bit off the bitches thumb. Then being gangsta, he spit it right at her onto the cars floorboard. I am pretty sure that there have been several times where I contemplated it, maybe biting off a pinky, maybe even a toe, in the end though it always comes back. You bite off a finger, she comes back ten times worse. I can’t risk it. Not worth it to take the bosses finger tip-off, and wake up one day missing my sack, the tip of the penis missing, who knows what vagina welding humans are capable of.

Daniella Moyles Accidentally Outs Her Nipple, Meanwhile Rihanna Can’t Shut Her Slut Off

danielle1_1150923aGod I love who ever Danielle Moyles is. I had no idea she even existed. Now I am sitting here staring at her nipple wondering where she was this whole time. She was at an award show called the Erics Awards, when her nipple showed up. Hit continue reading for the nipple shot.

Then across the world, we have an article about Rihanna that just can’t go a day without spreading her legs and showing the world. She definitely is hot, but I can’t sit here and constantly stare at her at like a slut and want more. It’s like seeing a porn stars tits daily, you already see enough of it, so the chase is gone.

So what is better, the one picture of Daniella Moyles nipple or this entire collage of Rihanna spreading her legs?

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And Anna Kendrick Might Not Have Really Masturbated In The Movies, But It’s The Thought That Counts

anna-kendrick-hollywood-tributeNYPOST - I’m pretty sure Anna Kendrick joking about masturbating is just as good as her actually doing it. I don’t care if she was all for sh*ts and giggles, she was still able to put the mental thought in my head that her legs were spread, and she was in the back of the movies just fisting out.

The tweet that sparked this was “Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate’”. Anna Kendrick’s face makes it hard for me to determine if she is hot or not because it looks like she had Michael Jackson’s nose surgery and her upper lip is always non existent, almost like she can’t close her mouth. The NYPost pulled a couple of her other tweets listed below that showcase her talent in addition to the masturbation one. Her tweets can make us overlook her mouth being stuck open because she has no upper lip, because all she talks about is sex and food.

“I had a dream that adult Happy Meals were a thing…. and then I woke up… starving. Well played, dream advertising company. #BigBrother.”

“Thought for the day: If I were going to take a naked picture of myself, I would at least clean my room first.”

Man Ran Over By Train While Taking A Dump

train11n-oyf-1-webNY1 –  A 31 year old homeless man was ran over by a train today while defecating on the East Harlem tracks in NYC. It’s sad to hear this happen to a guy just trying to release feces onto rat infested tracks. I have a bathroom that has a heated vent, this guy was homeless and this was probably the warmest spot available, so I actually feel for this guy. Usually when men are defecating we like to take that time to brainstorm, relax, catch up on me time, discover new species… I am pretty sure God created the earth while taking a dump…which makes this story that much worse that this guy couldn’t just release a load without being interrupted.

Don’t worry, he’s going to live… and if history is any indication of his future, this guy will probably sue the city and end up with millions in the bank.

UPDATE: The man died.

Yeah Yeah 2 Days Late, But Truth is I Can’t Escape No Pants Subway 2013

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Courtesy NYDailynews.com WTF IS THAT GUY DOING WITH NO PANTS

Ok ok I know… No Pants subway happened almost two days ago and just now Deliver Nothing is talking about it. I didn’t want to even speak about it because who the hell wouldn’t already know about half-naked bitches running rampant in public. A bunch of females, riding around with just panties on, that’s like every CORM’s dream… including mine. The only problem is the exact picture we see here… some idiot who should never be pantless in public, standing next to a work of art. Why and who are you to even think that anyone cares about you being pantless bro? WTF is wrong with guys wanting to participate in this… it ruins the whole event… and even if you do participate and have a dick, you shouldn’t post for photos bro. Against all man code asshole, put your pants back on you’re ruining this day for the rest of us.

Check out the NYDailyNews for the rest of the pictures that are sure to please until you notice the creepy naked guy in the background of all of them