Author Archives: Brandon

Dogfish or no fish, am I the only one?!?

Beer experts… That’s not me. Beer aficionado, that’s people I know. But a beer drinker that’s me. Go to the bar and willing to drink a new brew, just because I haven’t had it before, fuck it, that’s me.

Honestly out of all the breweries and bullshit I have tried thoughtout the years, there’s only been one that came through in the clutch. The one brewery that hasn’t disappointed is the big D. Not that big douchebag Ryan, but the big D. That Big Dogfish all up in your throat, just sliding down your esophagus, touching your tongue, insert gay analogy, is just what I’m about. Day in day out, Dogfish is what delivernothing swallows.

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What happens at a Mexican surprise birthday stays there… Don’t drink tequila. Ever.

Never, ever, let someone feed you shots. The outcome is never positive. You become belligerent while every one else thinks you’re a douche for drinking too much. Lesson learned? Nope. I will continue to drink, no need to stop drinking, they’re all idiots for not keeping up. This whole entry makes no sense. I just contradicted the whole point. Who cares? F off. Go drink as much as me and try to puncturing properly like I did. You can’t. You’re weak. Bottom line, Kim K has ruined her body, but pre preggo Kim can’t do wrong.

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Fisherman tries to take pictures of a beaver, and ends up dead.

american_beaver_attackUSATodayA fisherman in Belarus was bitten to death by a beaver, and all he was doing was trying to take its picture, Sky News reports. The man spotted the beaver while fishing with friends at Lake Shestakov, but as he approached to take a photograph, the beaver bit him on the thigh. The animal managed to sever an artery, and his friends couldn’t stop the blood flow.

 

 

Shits no joke. Can’t mess around and take random pictures of beavers then think you can get away with it.

Deena Cortese Showing Off Bikini Body Gross?

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Deena Cortese showing off her “Aruba body” on Twitter

Deena Cortese the self-proclaimed “meatball” from the Jersey Shore is gross 99% of the time. But this picture she posted today on Twitter, caused a little chub. Maybe she touched it up, maybe it’s the angle, or maybe she got lucky. Either way to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, I tried to compile every picture I could find of this thick meatball and compare… the result was definite trickery and deception. This body posted doesn’t look anything like the gross rolls, cowhide we typically see.

BUT, I still can’t decide even after looking at the gallery of pics and even the one that she posted today… to pipe or not to pipe?

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Deena CorteseSnooki and Deena left their shore house and traveled to nearby Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey where they partied at Jenkinson's Club, venturing onto the beach. Later in the day Snooki needed help standing up and was escorted to a waiting taxi.Seaside Heights, New Jersey - 02.06.11Mandatory Credit: C.Smith/ WENN.com
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Paul DelVecchio, Ronnie Ortiz Magro, Sammi Giancola, Deena Nicole Cortese and Vinny Guadagnino filming MTV's 'Jersey Shore' on the beach in Seaside Heights, New Jersey on June 20, 2012.
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Paul DelVecchio, Ronnie Ortiz Magro, Sammi Giancola, Deena Nicole Cortese and Vinny Guadagnino filming MTV's 'Jersey Shore' on the beach in Seaside Heights, New Jersey on June 20, 2012.

 

All Your Text Messages Could Soon Be Saved By Carriers … Some Things Are Better Left Deleted

wide_Girl-textingCNet -
AT&T, Verizon Wireless, Sprint, and other wireless providers would be required to capture and store Americans’ confidential text messages, according to a proposal that will be presented to a congressional panel today.
The law enforcement proposal would require wireless providers to record and store customers’ SMS messages — a controversial idea akin to requiring them to surreptitiously record audio of their customers’ phone calls — in case police decide to obtain them at some point in the future.
“Billions of texts are sent every day, and some surely contain key evidence about criminal activity,” Richard Littlehale from the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation will tell Congress, according to a copy (PDF) of his prepared remarks. “In some cases, this means that critical evidence is lost. Text messaging often plays a big role in investigations related to domestic violence, stalking, menacing, drug trafficking, and weapons trafficking.”

While this might concern some, I really don’t give a shit. I am more concerned with what people will think when they see the shit I send out to other human beings on a daily basis. My messages aren’t to bitches or in any way about cheating, but more or less how disgusting/absurd/immoral/degrading my friends and I can be. It’s part of what we do as men. You aren’t truly friends with another guy, unless you have abused him for every attribute that his girlfriend/wife might like about him. If you haven’t sent a shit picture to your friends, then you aren’t truly friends with them. With that being said, these messages should never be recovered, they are meant for one time conversations and then to be disposed of permanently. Bad move Big Brother, you’re only fucking over the way our girlfriends/wives will look at us when they see the shit we send.

Selena Gomez Made Bieber Cry and Looked Like a 10.5 While Doing It … Typical Latina In Action

selena-gomez-late-show-with-david-letterman-appearance-12Selena Gomez, 20, was on Letterman last night to promote her new movie Spring Breakers. Besides looking like a 10.5 and murdering the screen with her body, she was discussing Bieber with Letterman when we found out what a bitch Bieber really was.

Letterman said “Last time Bieber was here I made him cry”

Selena responded with typical Latina attitude with “well… that makes two of us”.

Selena Gomez is just killing it in that dress. Her body looks insane, she knows she’s ruining every other Bieber fan out there. She can’t look better than here. We needed this replacement for some of our recent loses in stardom ass. Not quite sure who were replacing with this dime piece yet. Eva Longoria or Kim K?

Handles Are Overrated, Why This Knife Proves You Never Needed One

dezeen_Primitive-knife-by-Michele-Daneluzzo-for-Del-Ben_5 dezeen_Primitive-knife-by-Michele-Daneluzzo-for-Del-Ben_8This is the Italian designed knife that is becoming known for making us look like assholes for years for using a handle to cut with. This knife is designed by Michele Daneluzzo, in an attempt to improve on something that has really always been the same, the kitchen knife. Michele was attending a school in Vienna, and decided that instead of exerting the pressure on the wooden handle, that why can’t we create a handle as part of the blade itself.

The knife is made of one piece of steel, that goes from a razor-sharp edge to a rounded handle. The handle is supposed to allow you to cut with more precision and strength, as you are now using the force directly on the blade. The direct pressure on the blade creates less force being exerted unnecessarily and makes it easier to filet that salmon.

Cutlery isn’t something that I normally give a shit about, but this just screamed “hey asshole, even you could have thought of something like this”. Reason number 234589, that I am always going to be broke. Something as stupid as the knife, just made this women thousands, if not millions for her pothead idea. Courtesy of Dezeen

Nazi Salute Gets Greek Soccer Player Lifelong Ban

Giorgos KatidisHuffPost -
ATHENS, Greece — Greek soccer player Giorgos Katidis has been banned from his national team for life after giving a Nazi salute while celebrating a goal in the topflight league.
Greece’s soccer federation said Sunday in a statement that the AEK Athens midfielder’s gesture “is a deep insult to all victims of Nazi brutality.”
The 20-year-old Katidis gave a Nazi salute after scoring the go-ahead goal Saturday in AEK’s 2-1 victory over Veria in the Greek league. He pleaded ignorance of the meaning of his gesture – right arm extended and hand straightened. He claimed on his Twitter account that he detests fascism.
AEK and the Greek league are considering separate sanctions. AEK fans have demanded Katidis’ dismissal from the team.
Katidis has played for Greek national junior teams but not the senior side.

WTF kind of penalty system is in place over in Greece. The kid just scored the go ahead goal, wins for his team, in a sport where scoring happens rarely as it is, and throws up a salute joking around. There’s crazier shit that happens to ban people for life than throwing up the pro-hitler salute. Look we have murders winning Super Bowl trophies here in the US. Forgive and forget, shit could have been worse, he didn’t go balls deep and add the swanky mustache and top hat.

Ο χαιρετισμός του Γιώργου Κατίδη! by kokoretsi

Kim Kardashian Complaining About Having Devil Child Growing Inside of Her

184569Our former favorite all-star ass, now turned into Anti-Christ’s soon to be mom, was recently spotted and asked about her pregnancy. Apparently she is having issues like the rest of the human race, and thinks that it’s not as easy as it looked when her sister Kourtney was doing it. After realizing normal problems exist, and that she made a huge mistake allowing the devil’s seed inside her, Kim went on to talk about how busy she is but gets to seen Kanye once a week. No one really cares about all that shit anymore, but really we just want to know how bad this is ruining her back-shot angle.

On a side note, what the fuck is up with this face morphing that’s happening? Half Camel/Half BJ look going on.

900+ Dead Pigs Found Floating Around Drinking Water In China

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Chinese officials investigate case of 900 dead pigs found floating in Shanghai river
It’s still unclear how the porkers ended up in the water — which is used by city residents. Officials, however, say there’s no evidence the animals were dumped or of an epidemic.
Chinese officials say they have fished out 900 dead pigs from a Shanghai river last week that is a water source for city residents. But they are still trying to figure out where the animals came from.
A statement posted Saturday on the city’s Agriculture Committee’s website says they haven’t found any evidence that the pigs were dumped into the river or of any animal epidemic.
The statement says the city and Songjiang district governments started retrieving the pigs on Friday night. By late Saturday afternoon they had recovered and disposed of more than 900.

Bacon. How dumb are the “Chinese Officials” in this case. They don’t think that the dead pigs are part of an epidemic, and can’t prove they were dumped. Sounds like this shouldn’t be a hard case to solve, not too many people in China should be rolling around with 900 pigs. And those that have that type of bacon potential inventory that don’t in the matter of a day… well that’s your guy.

The Ben Affleck Roundhouse Kick

affleck2f-1-webBen Affleck was out shopping in L.A.’s Brentwood Country Mart Friday, when a group of photographers started to interrupt his daddy day out with daughter Seraphina. Ben kinda strikes me as that douchebag whiner, who would probably hate kittens, but this definitely gives him some more credibility. The star who just won awards for the movie “Argo”, says he was simply trying to maintain his distance from the press who were intimidating his little girl.

While there’s usually some crazy photo ops for stars like Alec Baldwin, it isn’t everyday we see them doing it with 4 year olds in hand. Gotta give Ben credit here, even Miyagi would be impressed with that move while holding the daughter.

 

Free DeliverNothing.com iPhone Case

tumblr_m6u6poAZPB1rnfcuro1_500Hold your excitement! We hit 100+ Facebook likes, and as promised were going to give away a free case. Currently we only have iPhone 4 or 5 cases, but for those of you interested, because we all know how much you really want one, please visit our Facebook page and like this post. We’re expecting zero responses from this, because like most of our fans, we are douchbags and probably wouldn’t give a shit about a website case.

Michigan Lady Gives Birth To Baby That She Thought Was a Hernia

ld_linda_ackley_mi_130215_wblogABCNewsA woman who said she didn’t know she was pregnant arrived at the hospital and delivered a 10-pound baby girl hours later, a Michigan newspaper reported.
Linda Ackley, 44, said she thought she had a hernia. She’d been told she couldn’t bear children.
“She is our miracle baby,” the stunned new mother, who gave birth on Feb. 8 by emergency C-section, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot. The couple named the little girl Kimberly Kay.
Her husband, Mike, got the news over the telephone.
“Some people have nine months to prepare. I had [15] hours,” he said. “I wish someone would have taken a picture of my face.”

Wait, don’t babies kick while they’re in your stomach and weird shit happening like morning sickness, hormone changes, no more periods… all shit I have heard happening leading to signs that your pregnant. The wife looks stupid as shit, and God bless that kid, let’s not imagine the husband. Guy doesn’t realize that his wife, who just shot out a 10 pound living “hernia”, is pregnant? You just okay with a huge lump in your wife’s stomach bro, not going to question how or why that shit is moving? Get the fuck outta here with that shit.

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Wife Murders Her Husband For Watching Porn… God Help Us All

20130213-002752.jpgUSAToday- Matthew White, University of Pennsylvania’s 1979 starting center, was stabbed in the back by his wife because she caught him watching porn. White’s wife, Maria Rey Garcia-Pellon, was claiming that she did it for good reason claiming “I caught him looking at pornography, young girls. I love kids. I had to do it.” during her arrest. She committed the murder by going to the kitchen for a drink at 12-1AM for a drink, grabbing two knives, then going back to the room and stabbing White in the back of the neck.
White’s legend lives on at the school. He still holds the all time high percentage for field goals, and was mentioned by the 1979 Final Four team head coach and Penn’s director of athletics as playing a great role in the historic team that went to the Final Four.

Okay so we already have to hide watching porn like its a dirty act. Whether its on our twitter feeds, or xhamster, porn exists and men love it. Now this bitch is creating a whole new realm of secrecy that men are going to need to create while handling their daily duties. She tries to justify stabbing this guy in the back by this whole bullshit with she loves kids blah blah blah. But it’s a simple case of a married guy looking at 20 something year old lesbians, attempting to rub one out because he knows his wife won’t ever do the shit these girls will. She should be thanking him, instead this crazy bitch is slicing holes in the back of his neck. Really makes u think twice before opening up some Jergens
and your laptop when your wife heads to her nails done.

Two College Students Snuck Into The SuperBowl and Throw It On YouTube For All To See

Two Savannah State (known as “Kobe” & “LeBron”) students just snuck into the Super Bowl and wanted to show every one how easy it was. Going to Savannah State must give you balls. These kids don’t flinch. After walking right past the main security check point, where all the officers are just sitting around staring at shoes, they end up in the loading docks eventually on the field. How dumb is the security guard letting them right in after they say they are making a documentary. Absolute hustling at it’s finest, or just complete asshole security not giving a shit.

Although this is a terribly edited video, and is really long for no reason, these two idiots have some balls. Not only did they manage to get past several security officials, but then they also get on to the field in time to see Beyonce at her best. “Kobe” & “LeBron” plan to release the entire video, to help police when they decide to go after and prosecute… typical dumb shit by future YouTube stars.

NYC Optometrist Offering Free Drinks To Patients Prior To Exams

10.1N021.pie-eyedoc1--300x350NYPostA Park Slope eye doctor is offering booze to customers to help them unwind before exams — but not every client is impressed by the nutty hops-tometry.

“I was offered a beer on my first visit,” griped one patient, Mark T., on Yelp. “Seriously, alcohol before an eye exam? And in a medical environment?”

But Dr. Justin Bazan says that after 5 p.m., it’s happy hour.

“Don’t worry. None of the team is drinking! We are not a sterile [hospital],” Bazan wrote in his defense. “We are friendly, helpful and like to have fun! We have beer/wine tastings all the time.

Patients are offered tea, snacks and craft brews on arrival. Most finish their libations in the lobby, but Bazan allows unfinished ales in the exam room, too.

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